Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
