Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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