and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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