I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
