We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
