Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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