Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
