Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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