You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
