In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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