What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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