I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize