Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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