You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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