At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
