Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
