i just had sex bonerless
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
