honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
