if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
