she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
