its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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