He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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