I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
