just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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