stop calling my apartment porn island.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize