It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
