Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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