sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
