In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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