maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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