I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
