did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
