no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
