grandma shit on top of the toilet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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