What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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