doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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