fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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