remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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