loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
