Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
