yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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