I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
