and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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