anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
