I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
