i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
People with herpes should wear stickers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
