the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
