put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
