It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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