If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
