Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
