I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
