oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
