I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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