Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
