REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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