Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
