I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
