We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
