Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
