I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
