no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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