He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
