i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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