I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
