i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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