You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
