my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
