I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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