I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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