"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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