I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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