If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
