Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
