I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
