I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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