Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
