You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
