can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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