Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
