all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
