I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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