i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
