its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
