i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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