my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
